The Fat Season

A handful of candy, 4 cookies, and 3 cupcakes. All in one day.

And Dear God, that’s only the start of The Fat Season.

The Fat Season is a term I use to refer to the coming onslaught of months, October, November, and December. It’s when a series of strategically placed holidays arrive one after another, in the same time of the year. I don’t know if this was secretly planned or if it’s just some awesome coincidence, but basically it’s what makes the holiday season so bittersweet.

Ah, teenage angst. Right now I’m wearing a large, over-sized, black, long-sleeved shirt to try and downsize my guilty stomach. It happens to everyone. There’s the ecstasy, the guilt, and then the comforting food, and it’s the most vicious cycle known to woman kind. And I specifically point out the women, because women tend to care more about this kind of stuff. Men can just stop eating carbs, and they’d drop 10 lbs, just like that. (And believe me, I’ve seen it happen)

Okay, time to line up the perpetrators.

  1. Halloween
  2. Thanksgiving
  3. Hanukkah
  4. Christmas
  5. New Year’s Eve

People look forward to all of these holidays because of its meaning, the festivities, and the food. For example, you can’t look at Thanksgiving and not instantly think of a Turkey. Even if you’re a vegetarian, a turkey has always been a traditional sign of Thanksgiving. It’s the same with Halloween to candy and Christmas to ham.

Here’s my outlook on Halloween. On the actual day of it, people aren’t allowed to be like “All of this candy is just so fattening”, or  “I feel so fat.”

No.

First of all, I hate it when people complain about their weight, even though they look perfectly fine (I’m guilty of this!). Second of all, it’s just so out of spirit. JUST EAT THE DAMN CANDY. This night only comes once a year, so enjoy it. However, the day after Halloween is a whole different story. You may wake up the next morning looking and feeling like you have a hangover, and you may seriously need to pull yourself together, Frankenstein. And you do. Because no one can eat that much candy everyday and not pay for it somehow. That’s why I feel so bad about eating those cookies and cupcakes the day after Halloween. It goes against my morals. Besides, I need to get ready for the next pigout that’ll take place on Thanksgiving. Cleanse my body of all the junk, before I eat more. One will have to work hard and have even harder discipline if they don’t want to come out of The Fat Season looking like a freaking pumpkin.

The best thing to do after a pigout? Get back on track. Take control of your mind and body. If you eat healthy and exercise, then all’s well and dandy. You know your life won’t be over after that one pigout. It’s like a big test; if you’ve substantially studied, then you know you won’t fail. Move on!

So, if you’re all squeaky clean and healthy now, what in the world will you do with your leftover candy? What in the world will you do with the other 3-4 remaining holidays? I once read somewhere that butter isn’t bad for you, but a whole stick of it is. Sugar isn’t bad, but eating 10 cupcakes is. There is no such thing as bad food, only overeating. Portion and moderation. Healthy diet rich in plants. Not eating too much. Stick to those guidelines and you’ll be fine.

What do I do with my candy? Well, I’m not the kind of person who eats it all in one day. I like to stretch my dollar. Under my bed, I keep a stash  candy in a box (because keeping stashes of things are fun). Then everyday, I limit myself to one piece of candy. Those rations should last until near the end of Fat Season, and you’ll still get to be sweets! Or even, for every x pieces of candy, you could do x number of laps around your house. But that’s for the serious people, who like to get down to business.

Well, I hope this has proven helpful in some way. Good luck, and Happy Fat Season!

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